Wednesday, December 12, 2007

Lets Try This...Photo Journalism!!!!!

3 am on an island just off of Oslo, Norway (thats the sun setting)

4 am, same Island....Yhea thats the sun coming up!!!

Cool Norwegian Church

Shoreline...Bergen, Norway

In the Fjord lands...Southern Norway! Freaking Awesome!!!!

From Above Pulpit Rock

Me and 700 Meters to the water....WINDY and SCARY!!!!

Pose for the Camera...Pulpit Rock, Southern Norway

Next, Poland...and the gates at Auschwitz

Auschwitz-Birkenau, the Extermination Camp

Grape Pickin Time....Wash the Barrels!!!!

1 field, 2.5 tons of grapes, 1 day....OUCH!!!!!

Me, Nastia, and Baba Sona...Grape Picking Threesome!!!

The Goal of the day.

Happy Camper Taking a reak...kinda.

Off to Serbia...With the Central Floridians!!!

Some Things Don't change...Talkin Life with Charlie.

Finally a few for Fun... Me and my neighbor Sasha...and a few more of me!

Rockin the Harmonica, and the Snow Pants

Just another Day in Chisinau...Hope you all enjoyed my Update!

Thursday, July 05, 2007

Russia, part one of many to catch you all up!

Hello there from heat and mosquitoe ridden Moldova!

I know I have been a little less than prompt with this whole BLOG thing, but better late than never right. So this is how I am planning the updates on my blog. This part will consist of what went down in Russia, and a few of my favorite pics to go along with it. The next part will cover Scandinavia, and some cool stories there, and then the final piece will cover whats been going on in Moldova...and how crappy the 4th of July was in comparison to the last many years I have been in DC. OK so without further a due, I will paint the pictures through black and white letters on a PC monitor.

So it was a balmy 41 C and 95% humidity when I walked to the train station at 11am on Wednesday June 30. As I approached the green circa 1967 Russian model train I realized that I was in for a real treat. So promptly 15 minutes late the train began to move, and I began to get really really hot. As did the other 64 people on my wagon, so they all took their shirts off. Now I love me some shirtless moments, but on a beach, not in a public train! Oh well, one American and 64 moldovans...they would have won. Plus they had the advantage that i couldn't hold on to them if we got in a fight due to the fine layer of sweat all over. But I digress. The train ride was 29 hours of me sweating like crazy, no one opening a single window for fear of the current, no one talking to me except in I read and slept alot!

As I arrived in Moscow, everything went great! I met Mike Schwirtz without a problem at the train station and we went to his flat right near the center of the city.(thanks Jackson for putting us in touch again) He dropped me off and went into work and left me for a little exploring time. His apartment was awesome, and his neighborhood was the coolest. Artsy, relaxed, and 4 BLOCKS FROM RED SQUARE! I turned the corner and there perfectly framed across the river and between buildings was St. Basil's! Talk about awesome! The rest of the time in Moscow was great. Meeting his friends, the two of us wandering the streets for hours, going to a few Ex-Pat bars, seeing Lenin lying in state, etc. Then my last night there we had a few beers at the train station, watched the moon fly (so fast) across the sky, and I geared up for Peter and the white nights while he geared down for another week at the NY times.

Peter was interesting. As I arrived my hurt foot (which I hurt while in Moscow the first day) really acted up. I was laid up for three days unable to walk, or relay stand on it. Luckily I had the company of a 2 year old and his 9 year old sister all day in the apartment I was staying it. And you all know how much I LOVE kids! I was staying with my Host mother in Moldova's sister and her family. This was actually great because I stayed and ate for free throughout almost all of Russia. Plus I got an inside look at how home life was in Russia. The second to last night I got out and we took a drive around the city to watch the ancient draw bridges rise, and check out the White nights. Peter is so far north that the sun was setting around 1:30am and rising around 5:00 am. This would get shorter and shorter as my trip moved along. Each night I could not believe the phenomena and just stared for hours out the window.

The last full day in Peter, I took 1200 Mg of Motrin and set out to see the city...I HAD TO! I saw the hermitage, some churches, had some tea in outdoor cafe's and did the whole "peter" thing in a day. It was a great day, but my foot really hurt at the end. The next morning I took of for the Finland Train station and caught my bullet train to Helsinki. Foot hurting, fear of not being able to hike in Norway...All I could do was carry on and see what happened. However, that is for a different day and a different story!

So without a due, check out the pics below and enjoy a little glimpse into Russia!

Me in Moldova, and my home for the next 29 Hours!

Awesome Church in Moscow

Gates to Red Square

Armory in Red Square

Lenin's Vacation Resort Tomb

St Basils, All I could think was "This is Peter Jennings reporting from Red Square, Moscow"

St. Basils again

The Kremlin, What does go on behind those walls

Best Church in St. Pete

Bridge over Neva in Peter...Also famous in Crime and Punishment

Same Bridge, 1:30 am... Go White Nights (The sun is just about to set)

2 Yr old friend at home in St Pete

Obligatory Statue of Lenin and Finland Train Station

Monday, May 28, 2007

Is drought spelled with an “A” or an “O”

Ok so I have officially become a slacker in regards with my blog as I don’t even recall the last time I looked at it, thought about it, let alone added anything to it. However, here I am, still in Moldova, and currently sweating my buns off. Kinda like the cheddar biscuits at Red Lobster (or so I assume). Which takes me to the subject of this email. We are undr serious stress here already as there was very little water from snow this year, and the spring has been ungodly. It has been about 35-38 C (95-98 F) for the last two weeks, without a drop of rain. Villages in the south are running out of water, and already rumors of people dying from the heat are flying around Moldova. The ther rumors have been about the impending drought, mixed with the import ban of Moldovan wine to Russia, forcing a huge economic crisis here. Should be interesting especially seeing as elections also happen in just over a week. The final crappy part (besdes not AC and therefore no escape from the heat) are the mosquitoes. They are worse then many months in Gainseville, and not only outside but in my apartment. All I hear all night is BZZZZZZZZ and if you have been camping you can sympathize. Alas, I digress and I will move on to brighter topics.

Either way, life here has moved along quite quickly, and all has gone well. So a few recaps and then who knows what I will write about. First I traveled to Bender (which is in Trans-Nistria) and all was well there. Pretty interesting situations however. At the border I held up the crossing because the “border guards” were shocked I was an American, and everyone had to see the passport. I don’t think they even wanted to hassle me, but they were just really curious about the passport. Either way, border crossing was more or less uneventful. In Bender I went to a few museums, and ten we had a small conference to celebrate the success of a finished proposal. All was well till a KGB guy showed up, and we left quickly…to not give any reasons for further questioning.

Recently I have been building a website, and it has been a good job for me. In the sense that it keeps me really busy because I don’t know anything about it, and that they are happy that our website will be better after I teach myself all about it. I also have taken over managing a few small grants throughout Trans-Nistria including the building of a nature trail (horrible memories of the nature trail I built at Blue Springs keeps me up at night), and also making sure an Ecological corner at a kindergarten get completed in time for the new school year! Should be a good workout for my language as well as management skills.

However, the best thing coming up is my vacation. I am heading to Russia (Moscow, St. Petersburg and maybe a few more), Finland, and Norway. I am super super super excited for this, and am looking forward to a change of pace from Moldova. Sorry for the kinda crappy update, but it has been so long I forgot how to write and everything I did has also been forgotten. Either way, enjoy the pic of me below with long hair (8 months and growing) and know I will have some great storues upon my return from the Northlands!


Charles (See Jay)

Thursday, March 01, 2007

So March Is Here, Why Not Let Me Sleep Till June?!?!?

While I know that I said wake me up in March, I decided March here sucks, as does the end of February! The weather is awful (it was like -18 a few days ago, tons of snow). Now all the snow is melting and well it is a little different than the states. See they don’t clear the roads or sidewalks from snow, so there is melting snow every, which has taken on this putrid toilet brown/ blood in your stomach black look! Which you trudge through no matter where you are (even inside sometimes I feel). But enough about the weather, only people who aren’t really friends discuss the weather right?

Moving on, February came and went…with one huge event…MY BIRTHDAY! And we celebrated it like Moldovan’s know how…canned veggies, pan-fried chicken, and a ton of cognac. It was a small gathering of my family a Moldovan and a few Volunteers, but it was a great time. I got a cactus, some cologne, a book, and…A BOTTLE OF COGNAC! But enough about that stuff, onto a few interesting things that have happened throughout the long but short month of February.

To begin, I got out of Moldova for the first time! I took a trip to Chernovtsy, Ukraine. It was a great getaway even though it was for work. There we attended an OSCE (Organization for the Security and Cooperation in Europe) conference which was being held to draft legislation for cooperative management of the Nistru River Basin. It was really cool, but a long and arduous Russian weekend. While I spoke very little during the conference, at lunches and dinners I was a hit! Out of every adventure comes at least one great story, and this had to be the bus ride to Ukraine. So here it is…oh man I don’t even know where to start.

We got to the bus station at around 9:00am. The temperature was a blustery 2 degrees, with a humidity of “wet sauna” and a wind speed of “I didn’t really need that hat anyways”. Enough to say our party of 7 was an incredibly happy and chipper crew when we met. As we approached the bus, I could not help but laugh. I mean, this was by far the worst bus that I have ever seen. I mean I have seen some buses, in movies that they try and make look like the worst nightmare on the face of the earth…but this one beat it. I mean I couldn’t have imagined a bus any shittier than this. It was a Hungarian, circa…well…Stalin, and was, but of course, USSR RED. I believe that every single member of our party at one point before entering that bus made some statement to the likes of, what the &^!(^#!@+ is this. In addition to which as I entered they asked…do you have buses like this in America. I couldn’t help but laugh and say no!

So as we sat down, I realized…this bus is ridiculously cold. But it had been sitting all night in the frozen Moldovan bus station, so I figured it would get better. This was confirmed by our bus driver, and also by the fact that we each took a little nip of Cognac for a little “fire in the stomach”. This was followed by eating an open faced sandwich with Sala, which is in essence the layer of fat from a pig between the skin and the meat…with some seasoning on it. At first I said no as I try and stay away from seasoned pig fat, but an anecdote made me change my mind. That was, “When there was a conflict between Russia and Napoleon, each had cognac (insert second shot here). Because of that the soldiers were willing to fight. However, Russia had Sala and Napoleon did not, and because of that the Russian Soldiers were ABLE to fight, and therefore won”. Next thing I knew I was gnawing on some seasoned pig fat…who could argue against that.

As we set off for Ukraine, we began what would become an 8.5 hour, well, nightmare. An hour into it, we had gone roughly 20 Km, and I was wondering if the bus would ever warm-up, or stop smelling like gasoline. Quickly I realized no, when I looked into the back of the bus and saw that two windows were broken and gasoline enriched wind was blowing freely through the cabin. At that, I hunkered down, and got ready for a long day. 6 hours later we came to the boarder, where we had to go through border control and the routine of passport stamping. The process was going pretty well, until I looked out the window to a Ukrainian Soldier holding my passport and talking to our bus driver, next thing I know I was in a Ukrainian military outpost, with snow beginning to fall, trying to explain in Russian why I had been in Moldova for so long, why I was traveling to Ukraine, what my business was, and why I was with 6 other Moldovan’s including 4 from trans-Niestria! To say the least it was a bit intimidating…but at least it was warm!

When we finally got through the border, and began our way through Ukraine, the snow really started coming down…and also blowing into the freakin broken windows! Here I am, 7 hours into a freezing bus ride, and suddenly snow start settling on the seats in the back! I was not happy. Despite all these problems, we made it, and maybe in my next installment I will tell you some more about the city.

Hope you enjoyed this installment; I enjoyed reliving that fateful bus ride all over again. Much love!


Thursday, February 08, 2007

When it Rainsit Pours, Wake Me Up When March Comes

Wow, it has been quite a while since my last installment of See jays World, and I am sure you, my audience, has waited with bated breath. As stated above, when it rains it pours and this email will prove it. Well all in all, January few by in a holiday and work induced haze. I have heard since I got here that January is a tough month because of all the holidays, and well let me tell you it is true. Around every corner is either recovery from the previous holiday celebration or preparing for the next. My host mothers birthday spanned nearly 1.5 weeks, two Christmas’, new years, old new years, Day Tatiana (celebration of the name), of which I have 4 Tatiana’s in my life. Not to mention super bowl and so on. All in all, I need a break.

Life here has picked up dramatically. For the good and for the bad. The bad came about a week back, when I was tasked with maybe the worst thing I have ever done. My counterpart came in one day, and had mis-numbered a 200-page report, and did not want to reprint it without a mistake. Well, he handed me the report, and piece of paper with numbers 1-200 with two spaces in between each…AND A GLUE STICK AND SCISSORS. I am sure you can figure out how I spent the next three hours of my life! 10,000 miles, 4 years of college, managing thousands of students and a multi0million budget…and I am freakin cutting tiny pieces of paper and gluing them over other numbers! To say the least I was not so happy.

However, the next day I got some real work, lobbying parliament. There is currently a bill in front of parliament to remove protected status of some preserves here in Moldova and basically turn them into a hunting ground/ Summer home site for Moldova’s elite. I was asked to draft a letter to be passed throughout the EU, America, etc to lobby against this bill. It has been so awesome! Seeing MY letters come back from all over the world signed by members of the EU parliament, various NGO’s, Ministers of Ecology has been one of the coolest things ever! If you know people who might wanna jump on this lobby train, have them email me at and I will pass the letter on to them, it is working and parliament is already dragging their feet with the bill!

Also in regards to work, I am planning a work trip to churnavsee (don’t know it in a non Cyrillic text) in Ukraine later this month. It will be a good get away from Moldova, and a great opportunity to practice my Russian for 2-3 days all while exploring a new city. Speaking of that, my Russian is really beginning to take hold. I am able to converse on a more abstract level and am understanding much more as well. It is funny how only a month ago I was afraid of having nothing to do and now I am busy everyday into the evening. I wonder what it will be like in a year!

On a different note, I want to thank all the people who have sent packages over the last few months which have been showing up all the time. Matt, Charlie, Mr. Meyer…thank you so much, you know how important it was. Felicia & Leslie…you all freakin rock and I can not thank you enough. Doug and Chris, so timely and everything is perfect. Mom and Dad, you always surprise me with stuff from home that I never think of but keeps me remembering what life was like back there, and I love it. Christy and John Uncle Cliff and Aunt Helen, the camera is perfect, as well as everything else that you sent. I really appreciate it!
Chisinau life is also going great. My mad harmonica playing skills are getting better and better, I have started an English club with a USAID funded group called winrock who works with women who are at risk for being trafficked, I might be getting a second assignment besides ECO-Tiras to work with the Moldovan Ministry of Ecology, I have signed myself up to be the Director General of the Moldovan MUN debate conference next year (you MUN nerds out there will respect that), I am working with a Fulbrighter here in Chi-town (not the real one but it reminds me of home) to start an English lending library, and who knows what else might pop up in the next few months.

Finally I want to brag a little. I dot know why, nor do the moldovans, but the winter here has been absolutely beautiful. Other than a few days below 0, we have been rocking awesome temperatures and many days with sun. The winter is actually a lot better than either I lived in Chicago, although I have not been warmed by the Hodge’s special in many moons! So to all of those living in Chicago, I love you, but HAHAHAHAAHA for I saw it was -24 the other day with windchill…BOOOOOOO!

Finally on a sad note, our family dog Topa passed away yesterday. She had a good run for nearly 14 years…so hopefully she is chillen with Rusty upstairs. We are thinking of getting a new dog, but not until next fall. So there won’t be any vodka induced Topa stories anymore, but maybe Topa 2 will be just as cool.

Well that’s it from See Jays World. Check out a few pics below, and enjoy! I miss each and everyone of you, my readers, in different ways. Take care, and hopefully you all will find your way to far east Europe, for I have a bed and floor space for you! Lots of love.


Current Song: CCR - Fortunate Son
Current Attitude: Rockin' It


Here's Me and My Old Pal!

My New Room

The Flowers Host Mom Bought

Kiddies at school gettin ready for...

...THE HUMAN KNOT, and...


NSLC, thank you for all you taught me over the years HAHAHAHAHA!

Tuesday, January 02, 2007

Address Change/ Correction

Dont know if it will speed things up but here's to hopin

Charles Smith (PCV)
Corpul Pacii
Str. Grigore Ureche #12
Chisinau, 2001
Republic of Moldova

From 10 to -10, the swings of a day…the swings of a year!

Hello all, from my semi-warm office in the heart of Chisinau. This installment of See-Jays-World has great potential in my mind; whether or not the same eloquence is painted on the computer screen in front of you is a different story. Today is freaking cold. I mean really freaking cold. (it is x-mas day). Yesterday it was beautiful 9 degrees, and today it has plummeted to around -10, and freezing/snowing/hailing. However they expect it to warm up again soon!

This time last year I was sitting in the comforts of my Florida home (or maybe Charlie’s apt) hanging out and doing a lot of nothing. Knowing that I need to keep my mind busy and off the fact that I am not home for Christmas for the first time in 24 years, I decided to spread a little x-mas cheer in my house here in Chisinau. I cooked a huge turkey, made stuffing, the works. Myself and 7 other people (my family, Russian tutor, moldovan friends and a few volunteers) shared a real x-mas meal that evening. It was so nice, we drank in the x-mas cheer, and just had a good ass time. It has also come to my conclusion that Moldovan’s freakin love...I mean LOVE stuffing! So much in fact that the morning after we ran out, the first thing that happened when I came out of my room was…CAN WE MAKE MORE STUFFING??? (that was 5 days after christmas, of wich twice a day for 5 days we ate turkey and stuffing)

OK now it is time for the swings.

Xmas 06 –home for the holidays kickin it with my fam and friends. After that delicious meal my friends and I spent time behind a dumpster at dennys where this took place! (pic to come, too big)

Xmas 07- undercooked turkey, a lot of cognac, Russian/Romanian/English/ scherades.

Xmas 06 – presents, darts, all in all - carefree

Xmas 07 – cooking, haggling in Russian for a cheaper price on carrots, hoping my package came

Xmas 06 – missing Chicago and my friends and family there

Xmas 07 – missing America and my friends and family there

Moving on to New Years. This was an interesting experience to say the least. I have not had an issue with my plans for new years for a very long time. However, my mom here did not like the idea that I was gonna go out on the town by myself. (even though there were gonna be 10 other volunteers with us, if not more)! So it was a fight from the start, but I won it eventually! Me and a few volunteers decided to get a hotel (or a block of 4 rooms...a whole wing of a floor) at a local hotel and just rock it out new years style. Seeing as I didn’t have one Ms. HODGES in association with mike and Nicole (miss you all so much) to tell me what I was doing on New Years, I had to figure it out for myself. The night started out innocent enough, pizza, beer, martini’s, etc. Then we went on our run to the store…cognac, champagne, wine, beer, midgets, Shetland ponies, we bought it all! Then we headed back to the hotel to start taking care of business. We knew the Russian New Year was at 11, and ours at 12…so we had a few hours of celebration before we took it to the streets! The hotel was normal enough, with a few random partiers who spoke no English stopping by b/c they heard quite a gathering going on in our wing… After that we headed for the streets cognac and champagne in hand. And the rest is about to begin.

The city is set up with a central square and park in the middle of it. The square was where the stage and beer tents were set up, and all the droves of people were crammed for the new years celebration. It was quite a good time, and as the arch behind us chimed 11 pm we popped the first of our bottles of champagne and started dancing around. Everyone followed in suit and fireworks from everywhere started to go off (the stuff you can buy in South Carolina). Then the HORA (local dance) began and we all started twirling in circles dancing with whoever was near. IN the midst of this blur of colors, sounds, and emotions a fellow volunteer took a devastating tumble nearly bringing the entire hora circle with her. The night pretty much continued on from there ending with a beautiful fireworks display, a friend of mine falling out of a tree, two beds in the hotel breaking, making more Moldovan friends then ever though possible, and sleeping what seemed like 10 to a bed.

OK now it is time for the swings.

New Years 06 – bar with Mike, Nicole, and Hodges

New Years 07 – center square Chisinau wondering where Mike, Nicole, and Hodges were

New Years 06 – Drinking Gin and Tonics wearing a shirt and tie

New Years 07 – drinking champagne and cognac wondering what my neighbor just said to me

New Years 06 – ending the night (as usual) dance party USA at Hodges’

New Years 07 – starting and ending the night dance party Moldova at…Moldova

New Years Day 06 – Jaeger bombs, back of a cab w/ Hodges, 35+ bar

New Years Day 07 – laying in bed reflecting on what a difference a day... and a year can be.

Merry Christmas and Happy New Year. I miss all of you very dearly, and know I will see you again soon.

Monday, December 18, 2006

I’m Back Part 3 of 3…My Life Here in Chis!

OK, so last time I left you all I was talking about well I really forget. See I write the majority of my emails and blog posts from my laptop at home, then upload them to the web from work (where we just got wi-fi). I know what you all are saying, how is he in the Peace Corps…well I wonder the same thing every once in a while, then the following events remind me. This post promises to be pretty random and pretty long so sit back and enjoy the ride.

First off, I have heard a lot of questions about costs and such, so I will indulge you. The Lei (means Lion in Romanian…HAHAHAHA) is about 13 to 1 against the dollar. A beer costs between 6 and 30 lei at a bar, and much cheaper in a magazine (corner store). Food runs the whole gambit depending on where you eat. A pizza is usually about 30- 40 lei, some meat usually runs 10 lei for 100 grams, Mustard is 7 lei a small container, a washing machine (small) is about 4,000 lei, fresh veggies from the bazaar usually cost 16 lei/Kg for clementine’s, 25 lei/Kg for tomatoes (right now), 5 lei/Kg onions, etc. It seems that people make around 300 USD on average a month. However, I really cant be certain of that b/c I live in the capital and everything is different. I feel that this is all variable depending on where you are in the country. I feel income is much less in the rurals, if there even is an income for many of the people. I have heard of people not being paid salaries for up to 6 months…and pensioners seem to have it hard to as there is always a constant garage sale in my complex with pensioners selling their belongings.

Everyday on the way to work I walk by the most beautiful Eastern Orthodox church which is one of the few that survived the Soviet era. The picture is below. At work, well I do all kinds of things…of which none really account to work for me. I read a lot of ecological policy books and pamphlets hoping to understand exactly what is going on with the Nistru River. I also check email, look for similar organizations in the west, etc. I also think of ways that I can create an ultimate Frisbee team here, and work with the UNHCR which I just found out operates in Moldova!

The Next section is intended for a mature audience, so if you have small children hide their eyes, or if you are around Doug Buckmaster…you know what I mean!

O.K. some interesting stories for you all (well really one funny one). I don’t recall if I mentioned that have a dog and a cat that live with us in the house. The dog’s name is Topa and cat is Mortia. Well the other day a friend of mine gave me quite a few Heresy’s Miniatures from the states. So freakin delicious. So I took them home and shared them with my fam, leaving a little hoard in my room for a rainy day. Well the next afternoon I came home to my dresser totally messed up, laptop strewn on the ground, papers everywhere…and I was like what the (expletive deleted)! So I let it go, assuming the dog got into everything. That night I couldn’t find the chocolate everywhere. I mean I had a hankerin for some dark chocolate followed by a savory Mr. Goodbar, (of which I had been thinking of all day)…and they were gone. All except on little piece of wrapper nearly hidden under the carpet…TOPA!!!!! DAMN YOU!!!!!

Well the next night I got my revenge, a little too well. As we all know chocolate and a dogs innards don’t mix so well. Well to say the least, even though I have seen this dog devour things that the most hardcore goat could not eat, and I mean a goat can eat a steel can for god’s sake – the chocolate won. As I was stepping out of my luke warm shower, towel around my waist hair in the most crazy style believable, heard from the other room GafFFF GAFFFF Choke Choke PFFFF PFFFFF whimper whimper….SPLLLLLLLLAAAAATTTTT. And well use your imagination on what exactly just went down. And if you don’t have one, I will help you.

The most rancid, foul, and all consuming smell began to emanate from the other room. I instantly felt like I needed another shower. I began to hear shrill screams in Russian, I think a baby somewhere started to cry, an old woman on the street actually died - I had to see for myself. Call it the fascination with the abomination, but I had to see if I had the last laugh in the great chocolate saga.

As I turned to corner (now dressed) I became light headed, vertigo set in, I had to brace myself on the frame of the door at the catastrophe that was the carpet in my host mom’s room unfolded before me. She looked up at me with eyes to say… what the (expletive deleted) am I supposed to do about this. Something that appeared to be the collection from the last three days of old coffee grounds from McDolands was sprayed all over the floor. I stood there eyes locked on the destruction one 35 lbs spaniel had created, and all I could think was "CJ dont make this worse by vomiting all over the place". Instantly we all sprung into action. Knowing what had to be done. No, not kill the dog, but rather kill the smell and clean the mess. I took the dog for a walk, Dima set in on the stain, mom set in on the smell. When I returned they knew the remedy…VODKA!

I was a bit taken aback, thinking if I had uncontrollable explosive diahreea the last thing I would want is 200 grams (about 4 shots) of vodka. Well I’l be dammed if they didn’t think it was a great idea. So my mom, got a eye wash bottle (one that I would have used, if per say, I had a HUGE JAGGED ROCK stuck in my eye, and filled that little guy up with vodka. Next, she went to the stale bread and deluged a heel (quite a large heel) in the Vodka and proceeded to give it to the dog with a loving and affectionate HA (NA Russian for here) that dog ate it like it was the last piece of filet mignon on earth. Dima, hitting me on the shoulder, said, "this is gonna get funny". (in russian of course)

So we waited, about 5 minutes passed and they were obviously not happy with the results, so the following chain of events took place. But one tid-bit before I describe these fateful circumstances. Topa is old, I mean really old. We are talking about approaching 15 years old. And for those who don’t know, that’s really old for a dog. On top of that, she can’t hear. I mean you could shoot a gun next to her ear and she would be snoring away like a Cowboys fan on Sunday. On top of that, she is blind. I mean more blind than if she was born without any eyes. This dog runs into everything…I mean everything. Andy Sall’s old dog was blind, but that dog knew where it was…this dog, god help it, no idea! OK so back to the story at hand.

She grabbed that dog by the collar, grabbed that eye douche full of vodka and put it right down Topa's throat. At this point I almost lost it between laughing, wanting to cry, feeling pity, etc. Well that dog took it for a good 30 seconds then was like…”OK that’s enough” and pulled away. My mother, seeming glad with the final outcome sat and waited. Not 30 seconds later the dog came out from under the table like a drunk walking out of a bar in Chicago on St. Pat’s day only to find it was noon and began shaking his head wondering what the hell just happened. With black Spaniel ears flapping side to side, and a little studder in her step…the booze began to set in. From this point forward it all went downhill quickly. The dog, cataracts and all began looking towards the heavens almost wondering if this was meant to be heaven seeing as “all dogs go to heaven”. She bean walking into everything (even more than before). But even worse, she would walk into something, back up, then run right back into it. I felt so bad I had to leave. Soon enough they took her to bed, and the next morning Voila! No more diarrhea. So what I have learned from this is, when your stomach hurts…get loaded on Vodka! Thanks Moldova!

OK, that’s it from my end of the world. Hope you have enjoyed this last three part edition of See Jays World.